FUNNY SMS Sharabi eyes donate karne gaya, Counter Clerk asks: Kuch kehna chahte ho? Sharabi: Jise lagao usse bata dena ye do peg ke baad khulti hain |
Wife: If I die what will u do? Husband: Main paagal ho jaun ga! Wife: Will u marry again after I die? Husband: Pagal kuch bhi kar sakta hai! |
Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar AA raha hai.... ghar ke sab khilone chhupa de. Mom: tera dost chor hai kya? Boy: nahin, who apne khilone pahechan leg |
Ek aadmi apni biwi ka antim sanskar kar ke, Ghar ja raha tha ke achanak bijli, Chamki, Badal garje, Zor se barish shuru hoi, Aadmi bola lagta hai pahunch gai. |
lady drinking coke, machar falls in . lady take it out , machar says ;maaa lady ask why u did u call me maaaa machar says mien teri kook(COKE) se nikla hon maaaaaaaaaa |
kal main ne hawksbay per dekkha, 4 addmi ne eik saat sumander main chalang lagaye magar sirf eik ke baal gheley howe. ye kase mumkin hai baqi 3 ganje they |
Teacher:Bachon wada kro kabhi sharab,cigrette nahi piyo ge Bachey:Nahi piyenge Teacher:Girls ka peecha nai karoge Bachey:Nahi karenge Teacher:Unn par awaaze nai kaso ge Bachey: nahi kasenge Teacher:Watan par zindigi qurbaan karo ge Bachey:Kardenge,aesi zindigi ka karna bhi kya hai.. |
Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it. Raju:No ma"m! I will not be able to attend it. Teacher :Why? Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so farr !! |
Baap Beti Se , |
one day dog dancing madly on the merage of lion lion ask y r u dancing madly dog said i am also lion before merrage.... |
Teacher: "LOVE" kia Hai Ali: Sir "L" ko pakar k "O" ko duba k "V" main Ghusa k jab "E" ki Awaz aye to usay "LOVE" kehtay hain |
Explain The word "AUTOMATICALLY" ....Nahe pata i"ll xplain... ager koi ganji ladki auto mein bethi ho to use kehte hain auto_mein_takli |
2 Ghadhe{Donky}Apas Main Bateen Kar Rahe Thay.1st Yar Mera Malik Bohat Zalim Hay.Bohat Marta Hay Kaam B Zyada Leta Hay.2ndto Tum Bhag Jao Na Is Ko Chood Ke.1st Yar Bhag To Jaon Per Ik Waja Se Ruka Hoon. Mera Malik Jab B Apni BETI Se Ladayi Karta Hay Na. To Us Ko Ye Kehta Hy Ke Beti Tum Sudher Jao Warna Main Ney Teri Shadi GADHE Se Kar Deni Hay.. |
Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg . Then,what is my age? STUDENT:32 yrs. Teacher:How do you know? STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad |
Teacher :Because of Gandhiji"s hard work what do we get on 15th August. Student:A HOLIDAY |
A Family Saw ""Sholay"" Movie |
FATHER: How Are Your Grades, Son? |
Costomer- Whose Eggs Is This |
Wife - Suniye Kya Aap Kitchen Se Garam Masala La Kar Aayenge |
Munna: Abay Circuit! Jaa Baajo Walay Ghar Say Doctor Ko Bula Ke Laa, Meri Tabiat Kharab Ho Reli Hai. |
Naukarani: Malkan Ap Udaas Kyun Hai |
Husband Aur Wife Hotel Me Gaye Tabhi 1 Lady Ne |
Rizwan: Doctor say help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta. Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai? Rizwan: Phone karte waqt |
Son: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can"t understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No. |
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense. Student: The future tense is "You will go to jail". |
Man said passionately: Will you marry me? My father is a millionaire and 93 years old. He is going to die soon and then I shall be very very rich. What do you say? She said nothing but a week later, she became his mother! |
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn`t come back yet! Santa: Why don`t u cook something else. |
PHILOSOPHY : small things hurt a lot Example : u can sit on a mountain but not on a pin... |
Teacher:"Now,children,if I saw a man beating a donkey n stopped him,wht virtue wuld I be showing?" Student:"Brotherly love |
Teacher: 3 girls are walking in the road. Turn the sentence in to exclamitory. student: WOW! |
ENGLISH JOKES
☻NEWS FLASH snow white has been thrown out disneyland. she pulled up her skirt, sat on pinnochios face & shouted lie u bastard, lie, lie!
☻What's the difference between your job and your wife? Your job still sucks after five years!
☻If you think fuck is funny fuck yourself and save the money
☻When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!
☻Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer.
☻The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
☻If you have no voice: SCREAM...... If you have no legs: RUN......... If you have no hope: INVENT…
☻When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!!
☻Man: I would really like to get into your pants. Woman: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.
☻A man was dying of cancer. His son asked him:dad why do you keepon telling everyone that your dying of AIDS.He replied"So that when i die no 1 will fuck ur mom
☻Kill one you're a murderer, kill 10 you're a serial murderer, kill them all, you're GOD.
☻The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed. Today I know better, so I will write it in my letter. In my bed I've seen so many faces, so I'll fuck you at different places.
☻Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!!
☻Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.
☻To wake up in the morning and always see the sun no matter the weather, I'm glad the day has begun.
☻I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go.
☻When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ? .... When she starts with "My husband said..."
☻One chicken to an other: are you tokkin' to me?
☻Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.
☻A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one? ...................... stupid of course, there are no others
☻What's the difference between blonds and traffic-signs? Some signs say stop.
☻When god created the men he was only kidding
☻Why does a stupid blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? ................. She does not want to wake the sleeping tablets!
☻Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner. AMEN
☻When you harrass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down.
☻There are three girls in the sixth grade ... A blond a brown and a red. Who has the biggest boops ? ............ The blond because she already reached the age of 20!!!
☻If I'd had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents !
☻How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ................... .................... How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*
☻Can I have your picture? ......... I save natural disasters
☻Of course... If you want something there is always a way to get there. Unfortunately on my way there are road works.
☻You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?!
☻Why is a woman 20.000 $ worth and a man only 2$? A woman has a milk factory, a mussel farm and a sawmill; a man a sausage, 2 bitterballs and a little pot of mayonnaise
☻Bigamy..............What is the penalty for bigamy? ............... Two mothers-in-law !
☻What does it say on the wrapping of the Morning-after pil??? ......first some screwing before use
☻Farmer seeks woman with tractor. Please add photo of tractor.
☻Do you think I can live for another fourty years? ... Do you drink? ... No! ... Do you smoke? ... No! ... Do you visit the whores? ... No! ....... Why do you want to live another fourty years?
☻Dialogue between 2 undertakers. "Do you have sometimes a dead period?"
☻There are numerous restaurants where you can eat Chinese. But it does not help a bit. There are more every day.
☻Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ? "Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"
☻Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause."
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